Sunday, June 15, 2008

Gaseous Energy!

WARNING: this post is totally politically incorrect. if you have issues about body odor then don't proceed to read this item.

ok last warning. don't go any further.

you're still here? oh well... you see, a friend buzzed me online to complain that someone was emitting serious gaseous energy while she was attending church service today. she first thought that she was having an out of body experience until she figured out that she was just nauseated from an airy terroristic attack. forgot to ask whether the gaseous attack was from the failure of deodorant or a result of methane emission from the nether regions (aka "fart")

it is common knowledge that a "fart" has some form of combustible methane. that is why it is a dangerous activity to light a cigarette when you're in the loo. ka-BOOM! a perfect reason to stop smoking in the john.

alternately, another form of gaseous attack is a bio-chemical reaction of the germs in the armpits that create the pungent, nose squinching, eyes-crossing smell. with that sort of reaction, am pretty sure there's a flammable component somewhere. i haven't tested this theory as i don't have the opportunity to light a match inside a room full of arabs. ka-BOOOOM!

this brings me to my hypothesis, is it possible to convert gaseous emission into combustible energy? going back to my friend, i posed a statement that based on my experience in south asia most arabs have an overly active kili-kili. i don't think that they have a monopoly on body odor, just catch a jeepney ride to downtown colon to prove a point. it's primarily cultural, they just don't use much of deodorant - rexona declared bankruptcy in saudi arabia. suffice to say that cotton stuffed up my nose was a perfect accessory during the first month i worked in sri lanka. that or pass out.

on the flip side, we oriental asians have a tendency to smell like pigs to other races. despite the fact that filipinos are considered to be the most anal in terms of hygiene, the food we eat automatically translate to certain gassy spores from our sweat. at the end of the day, it's a matter of diet. i swear, my chinese friend smelled like vetsin (aka MSG).

my friend then asked a rather interesting question: well, if that's the case, how do you explain indians who are primarily vegetarian? how do they smell? simple really, have you ever smelled sheep? sheep are vegetarians. and they smell. bad. really baaaa-aaa-aaad.

at the end of the day, arabs still win. they have the fuel stores and enough gaseous energy reserve to trigger a global warming incident. ka-BOOM!

ps.

this is a totally politically incorrect post that does not discriminate against any SINGLE race. if there's anything common in all of humanity, it's the ability to laugh at ourselves. :P

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