incessant rambling

i don't understand this "DESIRE" to catch a movie on its first day. it's not like the Transformers Dark of The Moon plot is going to change after a couple of days. Megatron is still going to die and Sentinel Prime is still a traitor. oh wait, did i just give a spoiler? can i just rant for a bit? putakting sm eto, amputchang sakit ng neckers ko looking up the crotch of Rosie Huntington-Whiteley, pati kulangot ni optimus prime kitang kita ko, in 3D. dapat ipagbawal ang neknekeng first three seats in the front! parang kumain ako ng isang toneladang lechon at nahilo ako pagkatapos panoorin ang super-feeling-close-up action right in front. speaking of transformers, there are a lot of that in the philippines. boy by day, girl by night. and if this is not enough, i read in the newspaper that the mega-transformer herself, dr. belo just announced her engagement with hayden "manyak" kho. di bale, vicky can fulfill the fantasies of hayden of having a virginal...

The Adjustment Bureau if matt damon and emily blunt are part of a chemistry experiment, we'd refer to them as combustible. "adjustment bureau" partially succeeds in delivering an enthralling love story purely based on the spark between the two lead actors but eventually falls into the "love conquers all" cliché. i am surprised that the roman censorship machinery didn't take offense in the loose description of God as the "chairman" who is not as omnipotent as what we roman catholics believe in. apparently, according to the movie, chairman (aka God) and his angels all live in New York, have static disturbance when rain falls or surrounded by water, must only have male agents in the roster, has interest in a select few mortals, and needs magical hats. the ending falters to a literal *poof* after building up the tension and is the cinematic equivalent of pre-mature ejaculation or impotence. I am # 4 aliens on earth, can only be killed in a s...

the movie felt like the millionth re-run of a "Friends" episode and the "jen" hairstyle remained the same, very much like the career of jennifer aniston - has seen better days. adam sandler didn't fare too well either. he's like the keanu reeves of comedy, at least you can say he has consistency - he acts in the same style in every movie. the real scene stealer are the kids, the faux-british daughter and the drugged out, blackmailing boy. and yeah, wait for the children of the corn scene. heee-larious. don't get me wrong, i enjoyed the movie even though it's a complete rehash of the same jen and adam stereotype characters. for more incessant rambling , visit my blog .

to start off, i'm NOT a credible movie critic. i don't hold degrees and enough movie hours logged to even qualify me to say anything that can influence you to change your raving reviews of Skyline (which TOTALLY sucked you blue brained alien). with that said, here's a list of movies that suckered me to shell out a minimum of Php 160 a pop (add another hundred for useless 3D effects) for the first time, i was able to keep my eyes open throughout the whole movie, well, except for the first part involving a graphic, clinical embalming process. anthony hopkins gives me the creeps. with that said, the movie makes you think long after it is over. if it is any consolation, it can make you rethink your faith. i prayed DIFFERENTLY that night. that much i can share. hmmm, i wasn't really ready to shell out Php 270 to watch a movie that has the highest probability of being done in 2D then converted into 3D to get us to shell out more moolah. then again, midway through ...

i have a friend who hates to be alone. not me. there are days when i just want to wander alone in the mall, visit my favorite coffee shop, grab a cup and read a book. today was different though. wished i had someone with me when i watched "red". that way i could have chuckled, laughed and chortled with someone else. laughing "alone" is a bit looney, even for me. eat love and pray was overrated. perhaps i expected too much from the movie, and yes it fell short of certain "expectations" although i did say i liked the general message. it was a very cerebral piece that probably didn't translate well into a movie. a writer with thoughts running through her head would have a book better express the nuances of the story. "eat love and pray" can't possibly translate all these via images. so why the digression? because RED is nothing cerebral. it was imagery at its best and it loves to make fun of itself. who would have thought that peop...

the new predator(s) movie is as racist as it gets. the list of characters read like the worst sort of stereotypes: (1) a mexican drug cartel henchman, (2) a west african sierra leone RUF death squad officer, (3) a member of the russian spetsnaz, (4) a white trash rapist in deathrow, (5) a japanese samurai wielding yakuza, (6) a psychotic doctor who moonlights as a serial killer, (7) a brazilian black ops sniper and (8) and an american soldier turned mercenary. except for the russian and brazilian grunts, everyone else seem to be engaged in illegal or subversive activities. the premise is simple enough, human "predators" are abducted by dreadlocked aliens, released in an alien planet where the humans (and other captured aliens) become the prey. if anyone watched the original predator movie (Predator, 1987, Arnold Schwarzenegger) then you know that it is just a matter of time before everyone gets stabbed, beheaded, blownup, chopped, diced and thrown in the blender for ...

with more than 40 movies to her credit, it is inevitable that meryl would have to reprise some of her old characters in her latest movie, " it's complicated " adult love? she romanced clint eastwood in bridges of madison country . having an affair with a married man (1995)? robert de niro was her paramour in falling in love (1984). a cook? she was the perfect julia child in julie and julia (2009). a second chance with love? she danced and sang her way through mama mia (2008) and into the arms of pierce brosnan. nevertheless, meryl managed to take on an entirely different perspective with this movie that had the audience cheering, swooning, laughing and secretly hoping that things will turn out right for the divorced couple in the middle of an illicit dalliance. "it's complicated" is a perfect description of the characters who all have their own neurosis but tied together with one single theme: love, falling in love, falling out of love and finding lov...

mas malaki pa braso nya sa hita koooh! that about sums up the reaction of moviegoers when they saw sharon cuneta make her appearance in mano po 6 : a mother's love. why do filipino actors think they can portray ANY role? and why do producers and directors insist on casting actors that obviously do not fit the role? in sharon's case, she's bursting at the seams. you would have thought that a poor cancer stricken character would look haggard. but no, her character looked uber healthy who overdosed on melamine infused milk, coke, ice cream, burgers etc etc. and please, babangon ako't dudurugin kita will only work once. except for ciara sotto who showed facets to her character, everyone else got stuck in one scene. let me get this straight, there is nothing wrong with being fat. absolutely nothing bad about being curvaceous and bigger than life. but if you decide to take an oprah winfrey and cast her to portray the role of a kate moss or twiggy biography then you'd end ...

... is a reminder to manny that he sucks when he tries to act. and let's just be honest about it, ara mina and krista won't give him a second look if he didn't have his billions. then again, if his tongue is as hard as his fists then am sure it would make up for the looks department. matigas dila ni mani ano. bisaya kasi. kayo talaga bastos thoughts. unless they like the ER look. manual laborer, carpenter, fisher, police officer, government worker etc etc yada yada. in fairness, i was literally green with envy with his gorgeous abs. and yes, he takes off his clothes in a number of scene to show off his (drug-free) body. on another note, the role of ruffa mae as his wife who goes to italy and decides to marry an italian fellow was a bit convoluted. and she even gets to bring her kids with her to italy. why in heaven's name are we even showing that? the values are screwed up and it leaves a pretty nice (im)moral lesson: thank you white man for saving another filipina from...

the camera panned to the right and edward cullen stepped into the frame to resounding shrieks from the mostly (girl) tween audience. one girl beside me was screeching so loud it was like scratching the blackboard with a fingernail. and guess what they were hollering? "AAAAAAY BAKLAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" ang pula pula ng labi nya! para sya naka foundation?! shet, ang kapal ng kilay! ang baduy ng damit?! denim jacket? a ha ha ha ha, a hi hi hi hi. i honestly believe that the producers are cashing in on the highschool musical syndrome - cute works for animation, but for real-life action, we can only stomach so much. besides, there's not much "action" going on. there you go, the most anticipated movie sucked. pun intended.

Kung Fu Panda - Live Action Clip! darn, i gotta learn that wushu finger hold! and if you have no clue whatsoever as to what i said then it's about time you get off the couch and head off to the nearest cinema to catch Kung Fu Panda! oh by the way, the video posted here shows Master Shifu (hint: watch the movie) as a baby red panda. yep, Shifu is not a raccoon, he is a red panda! watch his great move: HEAD BUTT! PUNCH! POUNCE! (click on read.more) this got me laughing though i totally don't understand any japanese. i want a red panda pet. now. master monkey, master viper, Po, head master shifu, tai lung

If i were to compare the movie The Happening to having sex, i would say that it would be the thespic (aka "theatrical") version of a premature ejaculation . It was all over in the first few minutes. Short and sweet should have been nice, but this one was loooong and painful. Nope, no second wind here. It's just NOT Happening. (click on read.more) The movie. I'm talking about the movie . Focus people. But... I like how you think hmmm? Anyways, it was just not satisfying at all and if i pulled out a cigarette after the movie i'd be more inclined to torch the bed, errr the movie house. I felt like i got duped paying for this one. I can officially claim that M. Night Shyamalan is a fluke. His career spectacularly started and ended with the Sixth Sense. Don't watch this one. pleez.

every filipino movie require an advanced screening for a perfect opportunity to film screaming fans streaming out of the theater with platitudes of praise for the actors. in the spirit of such inane exercise, i sent maricelian spies to list down some controversial quotable lines from the recent premiere of Caregiver, starring our very own mega star Sharon Cuneta: "Ang galeng ni ate shawie! Esfeyktacular!" "Tagal namin naghintay para sa felikula na toooh!" - sana tumagal pa lalo, like forever? "Ang ganda pala sa London! Bagay si Ate Shawie dun! Naaaay! Taaaay! Nasa TV po ako..." - o hala kung sino man ang ang inutangan ng hinayupak na to, alam nyo na kung nasaan sya: sa TV. "My gosh, I can related to her eksperyens! I'm a caretaker too!" - ah, the cemetery caretaker? "Ang TABA NI ATE SHAAAAAAWIE!" - itigil ang kameraaaaaa! sigaw ni direk. last i heard, the legion of sharonians did a lynching in meygamall just like what happened t...

I have never, ever puked in my whole life. Not even when I had to eat half-formed ducks stewing in its own embryotic liquid (otherwise known to filipinos as "balut"), or downed six bottles of that extra potent beer red horse, the eXtra strong beer. oh wait, i did puke when britney spears claimed she's a virgin sometime in 2000, October, in a british tabloid interview. and i quote... uh... next topic please. in any case, i watched Cloverfield because i was expecting some sort of Godzilla type revival of sorts based on the trailer of the movie. Flashback to some years back and i remember watching Blairwitch Project and came out of the movie slightly dizzy and nauseated - blame it on the extremely grainy and jerky camera movement. imagine that and multiply that by a thousand times with Cloverfield. i mean the premise of the movie is a rip-off of Godzilla attacking New York (the Japanese is fixated on Tokyo getting trashed by monsters/robots/aliens and hello kitty, Americans...

you want to know the REAL reason why I have long hair? try to catch the movie adaptation of Todd Sweeney: Demon Barber of Fleet Street (2007) (Johnny Depp, Helena Bonham Carter, Alan Rickman) and you'll understand the psychotic phobia that i have when it comes to a sharp razor grazing soft, soft skin. i personally don't really put much value to movie reviews, but this movie lived up to its praise (it won Golden Globe Best Picture, Best Actor for Depp). Ask most people and the idea of a musical brings about the thought of the Trapp Singers, cartoons, cute little things, happily ever after and the like. whereas the movie 300 succeeded telling a tale of violence through an antiseptic filter, sweeney todd showed singing actors drenched in ruby red blood, blood spurting and bubbling from neatly severed jugular veins. the music and lyrics from stephen soundheim is the perfect compliment to the majestic darkness painted by tim burton of a london festering in social decay. burton tint...

amidst the laughter of people inside the theater, i quickly wiped away the tear that formed at the corner of one eye. understandably, the star of "The Forty Year Old Virgin" delivered a mightily funny performance as reporter-turned-congressman that seem to be having a hallucinatory episode talking to God in "Evan Almighty". this is one movie that i recommend strongly to everyone, in the same manner that mel gibson's The Passion of the Christ tug at my heartstrings, Evan Almighty touched my soul but had me laughing through the tears. don't worry, nothing preachy about the movie. "when you ask for courage, i don't give you one, i give you the opportunity to demonstrate courage." -Al Mighty

having exhausted all entertainment options from harry potter, transformers, simpsons, ratatouille and the national news, i allowed myself (willingly) to watch ouija starring all the starlets in philippine showbiz. simply put, the story is too simple, the cinematography dirty, muddied, dark, out of focus. the haunting becomes routine after a couple of the same-style scare tactics and the director employed a lot of the stop-motion techniques that takes out in-between frames: the result is that the ghost seem to be doing a michael jackson impersonation. and hey, quit with the wall-climbing, crouching and crawling thing - this is not a sequel to spiderman. i could have used the money i paid (php 130) to buy tons of barbecue in larshan and probably have a bigger scare thinking if i'm going to end up with hepatitis. to the un-initiated, larshan is the mecca of street-side barbecue in cebu that's a verifiable tourist attraction (imagine tons of koreans squatting along the street munc...