incessant rambling

i had lunch with karen and anne in metro gourmet and in the middle of our animated conversation (yes, we wave our hands a lot and we do a lot of play acting to emphasize a point during our conversation) i heard someone say "hi excuse me..." i quickly glanced behind me and saw an old caucasian fellow looking at us, i turned around to motion for karen and anne that the guy probably wanted to talk to them. as it turned out, he was actually trying to get my attention. great, if i hear any annoying complaint about my two blabber mouth friends... as it turned out, he just wanted to strike a conversation and the first thing he said was: "are you from here?" that sort of confused me, didn't expect that. "uh, what do you mean if i'm from here?" "was just wondering if you're filipino, you don't look like a typical filipino." great, just my luck, that would have to be the dumbest pick up line. "i'm part filipin...

putang ina mo paul! walang hiya ka! ang sakit na ng mga hita, braso, dibdib at pork belly ko! leche ka, balasubas at pinahirapan mo ko sa gym. akala mo ngiti yung nasa mukha ko? sa english grimace yun. hindi ngiti! maswerte ka wala na akong hangin at di na kita masigawan - e naman gusto mo akong tumakbo ng isang oras - ARAW ARAW? tama ba yun? aba, nakaaabot na ata ako ng maynila sa pinagagawa mo sa akin! nakupooooo. wala kang christmas gift, balentayn, graduation, paders and maders day, indepedence day gift mula sa akin! magpapadala lang ako ng pera at bulak kung nasa burol ka na. for my non-native readers - i just said thank you to my wonderful trainer who is doing a great job of motivating me to lose a bit more weight. peace yoh! P.S. I published this sometime in 2009. for the past few days i've gotten myself a personal trainer to combat the food and fat that has been steadily winning the war of the bulge. Palitan na lang natin ang pangalan na Paul na Leo and the same pa ...

while the brits and aussies debate who started the planking craze, i still can't for the life of me understand how this is supposed to be hip, and cool. yeah yeah yeah, no one says hip and cool nowadays so i guess that explains why i'm left stiff and cold with plankers, planktons or whatever you call them. planktons doing their thing. and just when our politicians have gone "stiff" in the head by proposing a planking ban, i came across owling where people sit on unusual places on their haunches, arms on the side and staring into space. hello. no debate here, pinoys have been practicing owling way way back into ancient times. they usually do this in the bathroom, specially when they are using the public loo or if they're on a trip, any huge tree or shrub would do just as well. before the aussies claim this fad, we pinoys have been doing this - just go to the nearest barrio, paper is optional, leaves do just as fine. but trust the pinoys to come up with...

ever wonder why pinoys leave the last piece of food on the table? apparently it is an asian influence on our dining etiquette. to celebrate blog action day 2011 that celebrates food, i'm posting some quirky pinoy food habits that most of us don't even notice we do. i don't pretend to be the emily post of pinoy food decorum but it is often prudent to understand the practices in sharing food with pinoys. 1. Unang Pasalubong - this tradition is sadly lost in the present generation. when a guest is invited for the first time to a meal or dinner in a pinoy home, it is customary to bring a gift, preferably food, specifically fruits or dessert. bawal magdala ng tupperware para take out (yes, some people actually bring containers to bring food with them!) 2. Plastic na Ngiti - hosts MUST always appear smiling and gracious in front of guests even when they are literally grabbing their hair in the kitchen screaming at the maids to get things out to the dining area. Gue...

WARNING! SEXUALLY EXPLICIT TRIVIA AHEAD! READ FOR YOUR OWN ENTERTAINMENT. do you know that a pig's orgasm can last as long as 30 minutes? that a female praying mantis needs to rip off the male mantis' head before he can ejaculate? (yan ang tinatawag na "deadly experience"). similarly, black widows kill their mates after having sex (naman, pag sinabi sa yo "kainin mo ako" wag naman gawing literal. pero kung baboy sila, maiintindihan ko kasi pagod na siguro si mareng black widow pagkatapos ng 30 minutes.) that according to a survey, half the men who were raised in farms have had a sexual encounter with an animal (i'm guessing duck and chicken are the usual victims. this gives a new meaning to the term "dog style"). dolphins are the only other mammals aside from men that have sex for pleasure (i bet you, they haven't met the pig) some fish are asexual and can change gender based on certain environmental or hormonal cycles. (sila ...

i don't understand this "DESIRE" to catch a movie on its first day. it's not like the Transformers Dark of The Moon plot is going to change after a couple of days. Megatron is still going to die and Sentinel Prime is still a traitor. oh wait, did i just give a spoiler? can i just rant for a bit? putakting sm eto, amputchang sakit ng neckers ko looking up the crotch of Rosie Huntington-Whiteley, pati kulangot ni optimus prime kitang kita ko, in 3D. dapat ipagbawal ang neknekeng first three seats in the front! parang kumain ako ng isang toneladang lechon at nahilo ako pagkatapos panoorin ang super-feeling-close-up action right in front. speaking of transformers, there are a lot of that in the philippines. boy by day, girl by night. and if this is not enough, i read in the newspaper that the mega-transformer herself, dr. belo just announced her engagement with hayden "manyak" kho. di bale, vicky can fulfill the fantasies of hayden of having a virginal...

my nokia china rip-off dual sim phone finally croaked after three years of faithful service and many months of frustration trying to figure our the menu items that are in chinese. and since my word for the day is "Eulogy" , here are my last words, sentences, phrases, euphemism, allegory and thoughts dedicated to my phone: eskandalosa ka. lintek sa lakas ang ringtone, keypad at message tone mo! naman, pati kapitbahay ko nagigising sa lakas ng alarm mo. nung isang araw nakalimutan kitang i set, nag reklamo si ate charo at na late daw sya sa gising dahil hindi ka nag ingay. sa sobrang pikon ko, ginamit ko tuloy yung isang pre-recorded tone na pang-gising, ayun natahimik si ate charo ng nag-ingay ka na "peking na mo" (repeat 200X). da best ka din, sa halagang less than payb thousand, meron kang radyo, mp3 player, voice recorder, video and TV recorder, 8 megapixel camera (pero di ko alam kung bakit blurred pa din ang quality), dual sim at snake xenxia na paboriton...

nung isang araw nanood ako ng "Forever and a day". hep, walang kokontra, please, pinilit lang ako. katapat lang isang scoop sa gelatissimo ang bribe sa 'kin. and yes, namatay si sam milby sa movie. at kung nag react ka sa statement na yan, obvious nanood ka din (ipokrita!). anyways, me isang scene, si kc nag dialogue kay sam: "i want to hear your eulogy for me...", aaminin ko, medyo affected ako, samahan pa ng singhot at impit na hikbi ni doktora minnie sa tabi ko, medyo mapapaluha ka din. kasi naman, ang daming kurot ni minnie, sakit ha?! dyos ko po, 30 years old (hep, ano sabi ko? WALANG KOKONTRA) na tayo?! kinikilig pa din?!?! syempre, ready na si doktora sa kanyang pang urian best actress for a single scene emote award sabay kuha ng panyolitong puti. yung isa pang kasama namin na si doc ron ready na rin sa showtime bigtime performance. dapat one tear lang, right eye. di rin patatalo si doktora emik at nangi-ngilid luha na ang maldita habang bumubul...

there are four distinct cliques in my gym. the bratty college kids on a summer break who go around in packs and seem to be preoccupied with talking more than working out. i hate how they think they own the joint and sit on benches while the ones who want to use the machines have to wait. i don't want to sound snotty, but i definitely paid more than their bloody student summer rates to use the gym. the other group is made up of "athletes". boxer-wanna-be, stationary cyclists, road runners. the ones who raise their shirts in a snap to admire their abs and talk about their next cycling activity, the next marathon, the next basketball game. often they flock around the tv to catch the latest NBA game. they also have the annoying habit of hanging out in the spinning room to chat up the instructor, never mind that we're in the middle of a class. the worst offenders join the cardio classes, do mocking attempt at following the teacher, laugh out loud at their "feigned...

harold camping of FamilyRadio.com - May 11, 2011 Rapture Prediction if for every lie, pinocchio's prick would expand, harold camping could easily have the longest dick in the known universe. as it is, he's probably the biggest DICK in the world. at least for those that believed his rapture story and went ahead and quit their jobs and went on a euphoric acid trip believing that May 21, 2011, at exactly 6:00PM, the rapture will happen and signal the end of the world. seriously, it can't happen that soon. the expiration on my Coke Zero can said June 15, 2011 and I still have to watch the last episode of Oprah and let Americans make the biggest mistake of voting for the worst American Idol season winner of all time. i sat through mass during the Saturday, May 11, 2011 6:00PM anticipated schedule. if there was anyone who was going to suddenly dissipate and rise to heaven, it would have to be the priest standing in the pulpit in front of all the sinners. guess what...

and i'm not talking about doing a facebook re-tagging of your friends in their worst condition. I'm talking about getting a ready-to-wear outfit, cutting out the tag (logo), pasting your own then selling it for a thousand times its original worth. in a shocking turn of events in the fashion world, Puey Quiñones, who rose to fame as the bibo enfant terrible of philippine fashion, may just as quickly realize that his career has gone the way of the dodo, EXTINCT. he sold a jacket to a client tagged as Bobon by Puey Quiñones at a hefty price of Php 30,000 and forgot to remove the Dansen logo still stitched in the inside pocket of the suit. the same jacket that would cost Php 3,000 in your nearest sari sari store - Shoemart. in a matter of minutes after the damning evidence was posted in tweeter, the whole online community was a-buzz with this fashion scandal and has a deeper repercussion in the perception that this may not be entirely an isolated incident amongst filipino des...

if you like the azkals then stop right here. still here? well... dang! just when i am resigned to the fact that the Philippine Basketball Association is unofficially Phil-Am Basketball Association with its influx of ameyricans and crossbreeds playing for its ranks, our football team has stepped up to recruit drop dead gorgeous halfbreed players to fill in its ranks. the only difference is that most of these meeestizos are not amboys (american pinoys) but europines (i just made that up, european pinoys). it suddenly feels like high school all over again where the meestizos in the class wanted to play soccer. but that's another story, i'm digressing really. my lady friends kept texting and posting facebook shoutouts about azkals this, azkals that. i have this theory, 90% of the audience and fans are women. not that they have any dang clue why people need to kick someone else's ball and why it takes an average of an hour before anyone ever scores (hmmm, slow forepla...

kung ako si agua, ikaw naman si bendita. lahat ng ginawa mong pagsisinungaling, panlalait, pagmamaltrato at pangaapi ay babalik at babalik sa yo. ika nga nila, ang "karma" daw eh parang "shake, rattle and roll", ang daming sequel. siguro kasing ganda mo si etang, lillian, zeny, carol, celia, rosemarie, cherie, odette, agot, jean, eula at odette. buti pa sila may ganda, pero kung kaharap mo ang magic salamin ni tito boy, dun mo iisipin - "putcha, bella pala ako, bella!" at kung di mo kilala ang mga pangalan na binanggit ko, siguro naman kilala mo si senyora aguida. at kung di mo pa rin ma gets yan (naman, ilang taon ka na ba?!), sige ikaw ang clara sa buhay ni mara! ang itim ng budhi mo, kasing itim ng barako kape dyan ke manang trining. at kahit lunurin mo yan ng isang toneladang asukal at fresh cows milk, di mapagkakaila na ang pait, kasing pait ng ginawa mong ipagkanulo ang aking tiwala. syet, ang lalim ng "ipagkanulo", "betray...

the new predator(s) movie is as racist as it gets. the list of characters read like the worst sort of stereotypes: (1) a mexican drug cartel henchman, (2) a west african sierra leone RUF death squad officer, (3) a member of the russian spetsnaz, (4) a white trash rapist in deathrow, (5) a japanese samurai wielding yakuza, (6) a psychotic doctor who moonlights as a serial killer, (7) a brazilian black ops sniper and (8) and an american soldier turned mercenary. except for the russian and brazilian grunts, everyone else seem to be engaged in illegal or subversive activities. the premise is simple enough, human "predators" are abducted by dreadlocked aliens, released in an alien planet where the humans (and other captured aliens) become the prey. if anyone watched the original predator movie (Predator, 1987, Arnold Schwarzenegger) then you know that it is just a matter of time before everyone gets stabbed, beheaded, blownup, chopped, diced and thrown in the blender for ...

ABS-CBN's Maria Ressa maintained that the station's News and Current Affairs department is not biased, much less an "Aquino station". - quoted from Manila Bulletin, July 4, 2010 yes, it is true, the News and Current Affairs department is not biased as it is now called the Showbiz and Entertainment department. Who says it is an "Aquino station"? ask the nephews, nieces, uncles, aunts, sisters, drivers, maids and anyone remotely associated with P-Noy that has been featured in ANC, ABS-CBN, SSN for interviews. They all maintain, that it is not an Aquino station. correction, it is not an "Aquino station". it is a KRIS Aquino station - and don't you forget that! - disclaimer - i campaigned for P-Noy and Mar, i also believe that ABS-CBN played a major role in getting the votes for P-Noy, in the same manner that Kris already split up with James before the actual election and kept it hush-hush. more importantly, i also believe that ABS-CBN is...

Gretchen "Donya" Barretto was quoted to have said she is learning how to wear the lowly slippers for her teleserye "Magkaribal" in ABS CBN. ang sagot ko, hello?! nung pinanganak sya naka manolo blahnik na sya?

One friend hardly drinks but eats tons of pulutan. She's fat, and not very pretty. During one inuman, we saw the plate of chicharon emptied in minutes. Another friend addressed her: "Huy, bawal yan, cannibalism!" --about beetchy one liners-- since i don't have so much time to post long winded entries, i am resorting to my store of one liners delivered in the movies, tv and or reel life. most are less than 180 characters, perfect for a text rejoinder. just don't send them to me. :P

nope, this is not another entry about metrosexuals and how the lines have been blurred when it comes to men wearing makeup. i am referring to the local and national election campaign posters plastered all over the country. someone has go to tell these candidates and their stylists that blemish free skin, pouting rouged lips, blushing red cheeks belong to cheeky graduation pictures, or a starlet posing in uno. not the local posters. on second thought, the more senior candidates probably used their graduation pictures, high school pictures mind you. i don't understand why they are afraid to show character with a few elegant lines on their faces. the way botox cleared the expressions, or how photoshop removed all pores from the skin, or how subcutaneous fat seem to have been sucked off from their chins left a very puppet-like look. yup, character, character assassination. combined with exaggerated, toothy grins, some pictures reminded me of joker. not arroyo (one of the few ch...

when you mix sex, scandal, violence and local celebrities you get the Yahoo Top Searches for 2009 celebrity list. Here's my take on the list and why we, the hapless masses are affected (if we are affected). deny it, baduy it, you know i know you secretly sneak a peek in the local entertainment section of the newspaper for your daily fix of kris aquino. she's the proverbial kuto (head lice), you just can't get her out of your head. wapak! beware, this is not for the lighthearted or those that has a quick barf reflex. you've been warned! #10 - JUDY ANN SANTOS - when the populist Siopao Girl finally said her "i do's" to the english spokening la sallista the whole world (or at least the philippines) fell in love all over again. although he is the siopao sauce to her bola-bola, the chili sauce to her siomai, people secretly longed for derek ramsey to be the hotdog to her bun.  #09 - ANNE CURTIS - dyosa reintroduced ann curtis to primetime viewing...

"wow it's so nice to have doctor friends at least i have someone i can visit just in case..." that was sherry speaking. except that "just in case" might not exactly what you want. you see, i was having dinner with a group of friends and a lot of them are doctors and a friend happened to pass by to say hi. courtesy require that the necessary introductions must be made and sherry (let's use a fictional name), the bubbly lady that she is, warmed up to the group and eventually sat down with us for some chit chat. eventually the conversation turned morbid (the usual case when doctors get together) that anyone bordering on being a hypochondriac will soon imagine themselves to be sick of every single disease known to man. you won't believe how doctors become giddy with glee when they talk about their favorite disease. actually, that depends on the specialization of the doctor. but that's getting ahead of the story. sherry stood up and said her goodb...