Friday, February 01, 2008

Cloverfield

I have never, ever puked in my whole life. Not even when I had to eat half-formed ducks stewing in its own embryotic liquid (otherwise known to filipinos as "balut"), or downed six bottles of that extra potent beer red horse, the eXtra strong beer.

oh wait, i did puke when britney spears claimed she's a virgin sometime in 2000, October, in a british tabloid interview. and i quote... uh... next topic please.

in any case, i watched Cloverfield because i was expecting some sort of Godzilla type revival of sorts based on the trailer of the movie. Flashback to some years back and i remember watching Blairwitch Project and came out of the movie slightly dizzy and nauseated - blame it on the extremely grainy and jerky camera movement.

imagine that and multiply that by a thousand times with Cloverfield.

i mean the premise of the movie is a rip-off of Godzilla attacking New York (the Japanese is fixated on Tokyo getting trashed by monsters/robots/aliens and hello kitty, Americans have the same feeling about New York as some sort of apocalyptic death field - hey, it's their equivalent of grafitti all over the statue of liberty which happens to be made by the FRENCH)

the plot should have given me a clue - BIG monster, tunnels, massive earthquakes, small ALIEN like creatures feeding on yorkers, big guns, bigger guns, and even bigggggger guns and a host of idiotic kids filming each other getting chewed off by the bloody buggers. one at a time.

this translated to a lot of running around, hand held camera rolling, panning, odd angles, upside down shots, infra-red night vision in dark creepy tunnels. the same thing that caused my tummy to rumble, grumble..

the movie leaves a lot of the open, wide, very very wide open (imagine britney after-kevin-federline-that-wide-open...) ended plot no answers as it was merely a documentary of idiotic friends running around manhattan and dying off one by one. the start of the movie was prefaced by the department of defense saying that the tape was retrieved from central park - and any half-brained zombie can conclude that everyone got killed. halfway through the movie, in between dizzy attacks, i was cheering for the monster to just stomp on the damned buggers to get the whole bloody movie done.

i came out wanting to demand a full refund of what i paid for the movie plus 27 pesos for the garlic nuts i bought on the way in, you see, it all ended up in the basin.

i hate this movie.

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