i am referring to the local and national election campaign posters plastered all over the country.
someone has go to tell these candidates and their stylists that blemish free skin, pouting rouged lips, blushing red cheeks belong to cheeky graduation pictures, or a starlet posing in uno. not the local posters.
on second thought, the more senior candidates probably used their graduation pictures, high school pictures mind you. i don't understand why they are afraid to show character with a few elegant lines on their faces. the way botox cleared the expressions, or how photoshop removed all pores from the skin, or how subcutaneous fat seem to have been sucked off from their chins left a very puppet-like look. yup, character, character assassination.
combined with exaggerated, toothy grins, some pictures reminded me of joker. not arroyo (one of the few characters who thankfully held back the digital scalpel). i mean, seriously... a local cebu vice mayor candidate declaring that he is making a stand while sporting a toothy happee smile gave me a happee-buzzy showbiz feeling rather than take him seriously. and no, i am not on drugs.
i think they all hired the same makeup artist for pichay, villar, singson, sotto. what would singson's former comrades in the police force say if they saw his made up face? there goes the macho image. i suspiciously spied a personal assistant going for a quick retouch before he rushed up the bus in that hostage drama. peekture perfect opportunity. i can imagine the conversation inside the bus:
hostage taker: oooy, ganda ng make up mo, sino makeup artist mo?
singson : si jun...
hostage taker: encarnacion?
singson : hindi, jun, jun's funeral parlor... dyan sa may kanto. may discount daw. pero lintek na yun, pintura ata to.. tumitigas na mukha ko.
hostage taker: teka, mali ata pagka apply... kumakapal mukha mo... teka ayusin ko ha... ay, teka, makapal talaga. makapal ang mukha mo.
back to drug-infused reality.
i personally like villar, but the ad with him in the wet market, the construction site, him doing the hip dance is just... just... tacky. he looked much more credible when he was in congress - less the makeup and funky wardrobe that paid tribute to the early 70s.
what can i say about cayetano? leche. obviously riding on the manny pacquiao craze with his boxing glove punch out ads. the reality is, i suspect this guy hasn't seen the interiors of what a gym looked like. in fairness, he was busy digging up dirt about the arroyos. when they probably tried to account for his accomplishments in congress, he can only put one thing: dirt digging. there's a lot of work in the cemetery in this election season. he should have taken a cue from darlene, pacquiao's nemesis in the local election, pure class, that lady.
speaking of accomplishments, sotto is riding on the tired, old, same-ho-hum support of vic and joey. he's also back in eat bulaga. it's so obvious that you can smell the bull-pooh from a mile away. his ad doesn't even touch on any accomplishment done in his term.
the aquino clan - noynoy did not fall to the heavily made up transformation techniques that some of his colleagues used. kudos to that. he should probably talk to his stylist to take better care in accentuating his better profile, rather than highlight the bald spots and receding hairline. there is nothing more painful than taking the few remaining long strands of hair and flipping them over to the other side to pass for "bangs". noynoy has a lot of things done in congress and hopefully, this will not distract the voting public. oh another thing, he should have skipped the endorsement from lola cory. it is so cool to have an admired female figure in philippine politics endorsing your ad, but the line "lagot sya sa nanay nya" just reminded me of "mama's boy" in bright, bold red all over the ad. again, let's hope this does not distract from his accomplishments.
as for his auntie, what can i say... ang galing galing ng acting coach nya. pagkatapos nun, diretso na sa club para mag ballroom.
speaking of ladies, i liked roco - a lady aging gracefully. legarda on the oher hand junked all of her team mates... "sya lang ang tanging pag-asa, tanging si loren lang...". sus me, paki lakasan ang electric fan at mukhang nagdedeliryo na ho sya sa init.
humor is a powerful tool - look what the erap jokes did to land him the presidency. same thing that defensor is taking with his "walking tol" tag line. hmmm, i suspect that arroyo took him in as the chief-of-staff so she won't have to stand on tiptoe to talk to him. a not-so-kind-word-of-advice to mike, lose the braces. you look like you're campaigning for the prepubescent market. they are not that old to vote.
on the other hand, there are some candidates that look naturally good in their pictures. we have to give it to montano and gomez as they are natural posers in front of the camera.
i still remember though what gomez said when he was asked by monsod about his campaign platform is: toothbrush campaign - because dental health is important for the country.
yes, it is more important than reducing graft and corruption, addressing the state of our education and health, peace and order, micro and macro economics, employment, love and goodwill to all men. amen.
monsod, seasoned tv host and political commentator, cannot stop her flabbergasted look with the answer. i suspect that no matter how many injections of botox from belo will not hold back the look of horror on her face. not that i'm saying monsod had botox. speaking of monsod. she should have run for a senatorial post. she's one sensible lady.
skip to ex-military-currently-convicts-running-for-senator candidates, trillanes and honasan. i barely recognized them without the standard ski-masks over their face while they were plotting the coup. i think they would have better public recall if they wore this accessory in their pictorials.
not everything is a disaster though, angara took the route of removing himself from some of his ads and let his accomplishments speak for itself. pangilinan had sensible ads with very little stylized embellishments. zubiri has a fairly good ad campaign going.
ok here's the deal. am sure you all had a pretty good laugh with this one. just remember that in the end, they would be the one laughing their way to the senate seat.
by the way, i am not endorsing any candidate, my vote is a personal as a personal ad posted in one of those online dating portals. known to those who would like to know me. this is just a result of a bored sunday in a coffee shop.
i have got to stop drinking coffee.
this piece was originally posted May 6, 2007 but is still very relevant during this national election season :) still have to add to the cast of characters aka abnoynoy, bilyar, jambelina, eraption, gordon medusa, brother v eeeeetc.