Sunday, May 22, 2011

A Perverted Pinocchio Tale


harold camping of FamilyRadio.com - May 11, 2011 Rapture Prediction

if for every lie, pinocchio's prick would expand, harold camping could easily have the longest dick in the known universe.

as it is, he's probably the biggest DICK in the world. at least for those that believed his rapture story and went ahead and quit their jobs and went on a euphoric acid trip believing that May 21, 2011, at exactly 6:00PM, the rapture will happen and signal the end of the world.

seriously, it can't happen that soon. the expiration on my Coke Zero can said June 15, 2011 and I still have to watch the last episode of Oprah and let Americans make the biggest mistake of voting for the worst American Idol season winner of all time.

i sat through mass during the Saturday, May 11, 2011 6:00PM anticipated schedule. if there was anyone who was going to suddenly dissipate and rise to heaven, it would have to be the priest standing in the pulpit in front of all the sinners. guess what, not a single one disappeared inside the church. oh wait, we're asians, we can't be saved, right harold?

last night, i had the distinct pleasure of watching a late tv opinion show where they had rabid anti Reproductive Health (RH) politicians slugging it out with pro RH advocates on the moral merits of the issue. ok, so what's pleasurable with watching la coste (aka crocodile) brand ambassadors on national TV?

when they opened the telephone lines for commentators, one caller opened her line with:

"this is not a question, it's already 9:00PM, May 11, 2011 and harold camping said you suckers are all going to hell with me!"

ooooohhh that shut the panel up and forced an emergency ad spot.

then again, i realized that i had it wrong.

you see, harold computed it VERY specifically to be May 11, 2011 6:00PM California time (where he's based). Which meant that it has to happen May 22, 2011 9:00AM Cebu/Manila/Philippine time.

and i was like, pissed.

i was scheduled to join a corporate event hosted by Shangri-la Mactan Resort and Spa and I was looking forward to breakfast in Acqua and Lunch at Tides.

by 9:01AM i realized that the whole bloody Philippines is going to hell as everyone around me enjoyed their danggit, corn beef hash, fried rice, daing na bangus, native chorizo, omelette and endless supply of freshly brewed coffee and fruit juice.

that's a distinct probability, but the reality would have a horde of pitchfork wielding, jobless, publicly humiliated folks running after harold and shouting "wait till we get to you, we'll make this baseball bat disappear... up your ass!!!"

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

he he he he this is funny, so the real expiration is june 15 2011? ha ha ha

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