things that go bump in the night

bump and hump and a lot more things happen at night.

i was having a luncheon meeting with business partners and for some reason, the conversation ran into the naughty kind. the kind that makes you want to cover your face in embarrassment if it happened to you.

if you're below 18 years old and still refer to your vagina as "flower" or your penis as "pitotoy" you probably shouldn't be reading this. but since you're reading this part of the paragraph, you're probably old.. errr... naughty enough to read this...

bumpa humpa story #1

the kids slept with this couple, and when the horny urge came a-knocking, they try to be discrete and quiet so as not to wake up the little girl. the woman tucked the bedsheets under her chin while the husband was busy ah.. uh... inspecting her valley of flowers. she bit her lip with matching left and right twists of her head as her husband continued his fantasy as nicolas cage busy looking for the "national treasure".

just as they were getting into the thick of things, a little head poked underneath the bedsheets...

nag mumo-mumo mo? hi hi hi (are you playing ghost? hi hi hi)

bumpa humpa story #2

well in this case, the couple slept in another room so there really is no problem. except if you don't lock the doors to your flower... este... bedroom. so here goes, the husband was busy playing the role of friar (in short, missionary position) and was getting all worked up. he suddenly noticed a small pair of arms thrown around his neck and his kid hollering....

sakay ko paaaa! (i want to ride daddy!)

bumpa humpa story #3

this couple have their two kids share the same bedroom - and being horny and all, they usually get the midnight urge to do something naughty. there has been a lot of times she'd text me to ask a doctor on what kind of tranquilizer she can pop in her kid's milk to knock them off. hmmm, a potential ativan operator.

anyways, one time they decided to stack the pillows in the middle of the bed and were doing the humpa bumpa. bad move, they are not your usual couple and helicopter, tumbling+split is just part of their uh... routine. before long, the pillows are all scattered and before they realized it, two kids were looking at them with big question marks on their eyes...

ma, pa init? (ma, pa is it hot?)

bumpa humpa story #4

ok, kids in another room. doors locked. thin thin walls. bad bad bad when the kids wake up and hear ma and pa go...

"hapit na koooooo...." (i'm close...)
"sabay ako, antayin mo ko....." (let's come together, wait for me...)

then out of the blue, a terrified voice of a kid shouted...

"ma, pa! dili pag bayai ako! kuyog mi!!!!!!!" (ma, pa! don't leave me, i want to come along!)

-------------------------------
some stories are true, one story is embellished, the other is entirely made up. guess which one. if you're nice enough and ask... i can tell you the names he he he

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