Saturday, October 24, 2009

I Want You To Burn! Burn for Me Baby!

when i die, i want to be cremated. seeing dad lying there made me think that he never imagined he'd wear makeup someday. and pink lipstick.

oh yes, he had the occasional lipstick on his cheek, neck and other whereabouts, but the pink glossy one he had was just awful. it made him look dead (pun intended)

and for those that come up and say "tito carding looks really handsome", thank you. despite the fact that you know, i know and we all know that it was just a knee jerk reaction seeing pops in makeup.

there's really no handsome or beautiful corpse. otherwise, you'd have Chanel, Este Lauder, MAC, and Max Factor come up with their "necrological" line. imagine the tagline, deadly-licious.

my cousin is going to kill me. you see, she's an angel of death. este, agent of death. she works for st. peter (no, not the saint in heaven with the cock, err... that didn't sound right) and you should have seen her work the crowd of mostly aging-near-croaking visitors during the wake. i should have charged admission and referral fees. it was a tad distasteful how she brought brochures and distributed it to people. mas makulay ang buhay, sa kabilang buhay.

so every time she's around i kept repeating to everyone that it's better to get cremated. you don't have to worry about an ornately expensive coffin that's going to end up six feet under, you don't have to pay real estate space for your body to become fertilizer and, AND you don't have to open an instant sari-sari store, merienda, carinderia, buffet, dine-in only no takeout restaurant for the duration of the wake. most of all, you don't have to rip up a perfectly nice suit, barong or dress. it would have served a better purpose for Ondoy. except that wading through mud strewn streets in marikina in a suit is not exactly.. uh right. fashionable, but not right.

have a gorgeous picture of yourself propped against a vase filled with your ashes. add some dirt and plant something nice. and if you don't exactly look gorgeous in your pictures, there's always photoshop. get slimmer, have a full hair-do, flash the killer smile and be drop-dead-gorgeous. literally.

so margarita, thank you for the lovely service, but it's more than half a million more expensive than a simple cremation ceremony. and yeah, if i had the half million budget for a night's wake, i'd like to use it for an ultra-fabulous soiree and cocktail with dancing and party.

mamatay ka na sa inggit aling dionisia!.

7 comments:

Sig said...

Dennis,

Your post reminded me of something that made me laugh so hard. From Pampanga I had to go to Manila recently, and the bus on its route to the terminal in Recto always pass by North Manila Cemetary. I have passed that way for soooo many time and just didn't bother to really look. But when I did, I saw a sign to one of the entrance of the North Cemetary in big bold letter (font size 3 feet x 2 feet per letter painted on a metal signage atop the driveway entrance). It said, "WELCOME KAYONG LAHAT DITO"

Kaloka!

Bwahahahahahaha! Di pa ako ready ma welcome dun!
Bwahahahahaha!


Sig

Hazel said...

hahahha i almost died laughing while reading your thoughts which always full of wit! thanks for sharing my dearest friend...yes, its cremation for me as well!

Cacho said...

laughing reminds me i'm alive

ajpoliquit said...

spot on lahat ng punchlines mo sa entry na ito. you so made my week and it's just sunday night! :))

btw, i've been swamped...fortunately with work, not flood...recently. no time to blog. i still have a few japan stories i haven't written yet, but it has been 3 months already. the novelty has long worn off!

Erich Jao said...

i love the part about your cuzin... what audacity... and great lack of taste...

Cacho said...

it's difficult being deadly serious. you could die laughing. :P

puss in boots said...

I've actually been to a wake where the only thing on display is the urn with a photo. So...there's no escaping feeding the whole town I guess!

LinkWithin

Related Posts with Thumbnails