Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Eeets Ober!

tis the season to be jolly breaking up. i think. i previously wrote about two friends telling me their charmed delusions have literally hit hard reality and just this week two other friends decided to end their relationship

one caused by delusions, paranoia and a bout of multiple personality - i guess my friend is not into threesome, foursome and some more (he told me his girlfriend wanted to try on whips and chains). the other one was caused by messages being sent through friendster and deleted and people sneaking behind doing some other thing... sounds complicated? believe me, i had to get a pen and paper out to sort out the chronological order of the series of unfortunate events.

ergo, in tribute to this series of breakups, i am giving you famous breakup lines (and possible rejoinders when you're at the receiving end) that you may find useful when you've run out brilliant things to elucidate your thoughts:

Famous Break-up Lines

"I just realized that I still don't want to be attached." (tough luck, it is COSTLY to have an operation for siamese twins you know...)

"I need space." (are you an astronaut? sure dearie, you can pack your things and leave - i own the house remember?)

"I'm confused and I need some time to find myself." (sabi ko na nga ba bading ka eh! here's a flashlight, honey. now go find yourself!)

"We are too different from each another." (oo naman, tao ako, hayop ka. Of course - because I'm human and you're an animal.)

"I realized that I still love my ex." (Thank heavens am not the only one STUPID enough to love you. )

"You are too immature." (Ganun ba? Sige set-up kita kay lola, single na ulit sya... Yeah, am probably too young for you, by the way your friends call you pedo, for pedophile)

"If we're really meant for each other, our paths would cross again in the future." (Cross the street, baby and I hope you get hit by a truck.)

"It's not you, it's me..." (And someone else, and another one...)

"You're like a sister/brother to me..." (Incest died in the middle ages you know...)

"We need to talk..." (i prefer text.)

"It's not you, it's me..." (U-huh, it's not my problem anymore, it's YOUR problem anymore - to quote melanie marquez)

"It's not you, it's me..." (It's my loss not yours - again, to quote melanie marquez)

"The sex isn't that good..." (Yeah, i can barely feel you inside me.)

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i haven't really had much practice in this area - ehem ehem, but if you know more famous breakup lines don't hesitate to add a comment or two. cheerios everyone.

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