Funeral Socials (",)
I have an aversion for family-related socials. I am sure many of you single-something-twenty five year old-poor souls have had to endure the endless questions about your being single or other inane and ultimately inappropriate questions from a host of uncles, aunts, cousins, wannabe relations, total strangers and the occasional stalker.
Am sure this topic has been covered in numerous angst driven discussions but the matter takes on a different turn when the socials we are referring to is a funeral wake. To be more precise, the funeral wake of my mother (ma, am sure you're going to get a great big ha ha ha from this one so bear with me).
There must be some rule about asking really stupid questions in a funeral. Let's see... how about "The coffin looks really good (pause), I wonder how much it costs?"
If you're silently sitting beside the source of irritation, I won't be surprised if you find your hands "accidentally" around the neck of the idiot. I had to refrain myself from answering... "Is that so tita? Don't worry, I'd send one over as a gift." Considering it was a really overweight lady asking the question, I was soooo tempted to say "Ay tita, it doesn't come in your size." Am sure that would shut them up fast.
Another irritating item is the guess-who-I-am game that some relatives and totally unknown strangers pop when you meet them. I practically grew up in a totally different city and had very little contact with the people in my hometown (Kabankalan, Negros Occidental) or with my relatives, stating the obvious just adds on to the sense of awkwardness when they ask "Do you remember who I am?". I really don't, and sometimes even if I do I really don't have the time to do this. I guess the best way to respond is just say "No." then pause and don't say anything, stare them in the eye and wait. I've seen red faces and uncomfortable squirming before they mutter... "Uh... I'm the cousin of your mom who is the sister of the.." I let them ramble for about two minutes and by that time they'd be crimson in the face, standing in the foyer unsure whether to just rush in and lose themselves in the crowd.
I can only guess that people just run out of things to ask and end up using fillers to get the conversation going. It's just a bit jarring when you are intoning the grief felt and how the deceased lived her last few days on earth then you are completely blindsided by the question "So are you married?". I blink my eyes to reorient myself. A series of answers run through my head, as I try to rationalize the question. The temptation to just let go and give some really nasty comebacks get stuck behind my throat and I end up clearing it.
I guess it is very Filipino to inquire about people's private lives. On the other hand, years of dealing with westerners and living independently outside the family support structure has not prepared me for the wedding-question. If you answer them with "No." they use the one little word that further drives me crazy.. "Why?"
"I really don't want to talk about it." is the most polite way of dealing with this question, but if you're in a really nasty mood you can always say "You came here to pay respect to my mother, I wish you'd respect my privacy as well."
If that doesn't shut them up, you can always say "Huh?" "Why?" "Huh?" repeat endlessly until they realize you really don't want to talk about it.
My mom can't be bothered to ask me about my love life and am near to giving a curt reply "If my mom doesn't worry about that, why should you?" should put some sort of sense into their heads.
I can imagine them going off in a huff and saying how rude I am. If not for my dad, they'd be sure to hear from me. As it is, I just smile, excuse myself and not even bother to answer the question. I quickly offer them sticky casava cakes and silently hope their dentures stick to it and they choke. Should serve them right.
Am sure this topic has been covered in numerous angst driven discussions but the matter takes on a different turn when the socials we are referring to is a funeral wake. To be more precise, the funeral wake of my mother (ma, am sure you're going to get a great big ha ha ha from this one so bear with me).
There must be some rule about asking really stupid questions in a funeral. Let's see... how about "The coffin looks really good (pause), I wonder how much it costs?"
If you're silently sitting beside the source of irritation, I won't be surprised if you find your hands "accidentally" around the neck of the idiot. I had to refrain myself from answering... "Is that so tita? Don't worry, I'd send one over as a gift." Considering it was a really overweight lady asking the question, I was soooo tempted to say "Ay tita, it doesn't come in your size." Am sure that would shut them up fast.
Another irritating item is the guess-who-I-am game that some relatives and totally unknown strangers pop when you meet them. I practically grew up in a totally different city and had very little contact with the people in my hometown (Kabankalan, Negros Occidental) or with my relatives, stating the obvious just adds on to the sense of awkwardness when they ask "Do you remember who I am?". I really don't, and sometimes even if I do I really don't have the time to do this. I guess the best way to respond is just say "No." then pause and don't say anything, stare them in the eye and wait. I've seen red faces and uncomfortable squirming before they mutter... "Uh... I'm the cousin of your mom who is the sister of the.." I let them ramble for about two minutes and by that time they'd be crimson in the face, standing in the foyer unsure whether to just rush in and lose themselves in the crowd.
I can only guess that people just run out of things to ask and end up using fillers to get the conversation going. It's just a bit jarring when you are intoning the grief felt and how the deceased lived her last few days on earth then you are completely blindsided by the question "So are you married?". I blink my eyes to reorient myself. A series of answers run through my head, as I try to rationalize the question. The temptation to just let go and give some really nasty comebacks get stuck behind my throat and I end up clearing it.
I guess it is very Filipino to inquire about people's private lives. On the other hand, years of dealing with westerners and living independently outside the family support structure has not prepared me for the wedding-question. If you answer them with "No." they use the one little word that further drives me crazy.. "Why?"
"I really don't want to talk about it." is the most polite way of dealing with this question, but if you're in a really nasty mood you can always say "You came here to pay respect to my mother, I wish you'd respect my privacy as well."
If that doesn't shut them up, you can always say "Huh?" "Why?" "Huh?" repeat endlessly until they realize you really don't want to talk about it.
My mom can't be bothered to ask me about my love life and am near to giving a curt reply "If my mom doesn't worry about that, why should you?" should put some sort of sense into their heads.
I can imagine them going off in a huff and saying how rude I am. If not for my dad, they'd be sure to hear from me. As it is, I just smile, excuse myself and not even bother to answer the question. I quickly offer them sticky casava cakes and silently hope their dentures stick to it and they choke. Should serve them right.
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