Compared to you, bad service is the Ritz!

atrocious, abominable, awful, dreadful, painful, terrible, unspeakable, corked, corky, deplorable, distressing, lamentable, pitiful, sad, sorry, fearful, frightful, hard, tough, hopeless, horrid, icky, crappy, lousy, rotten, shitty, stinking, stinky, ill, incompetent, unskilled, mediocre, naughty, negative, poor, no-good, severe, swingeing, uncool, unfavorable

and i STILL haven't run out of words to describe my experience with Talima Adventure and Waterpark today.

if you have made a reservation of 30 and given access to three of their "fun activity" facility, you would have expected that they have your coupons and stubs ready when you arrive. didn't happen. waited for thirty minutes and numerous back and forth trips to the front "desk" before they sent someone with thirty of the "orange" tabs for entrance.

then we found out that to use the fun flatables, we need to secure the blue tabs and again their clueless staff in the resort had to coordinate with Lisa from their main office whether they should hand it over to us. another thirty minutes wasted.

by the time we got our tabs it was close to 11 am and it was too hot to do any activity and most of our group went back to the place assigned to us. which brings me to another point. since it was a corporate reservation, we would have expected that they reserve a better ventilated place or cordoned area for the team. instead, we ended up in the rear side of the place, stuck between a wall and in a corner where other resort visitors had to jostle for space. i have a pretty good idea of how hot hell is.

in fairness, the food that we pre-ordered was good and filling (care of Cheavers). that's the only saving grace. except that we didn't travel all the way to mactan to eat Cheavers.

when we secured the bill, they added another food charge for an extra person who joined our group as part of the packaged buffet. except that I specifically negotiated that they prepare food good enough for 37 heads and that if we brought extra people they don't have to add anymore. I made it clear with Lisa when I made a reservation as they need to fix the headcount and rate.

There was enough food left over and if we decided to do a fish feeding program that would be our choice. it was paid for. i don't think it was Cheavers fault as they got paid their rate (whatever that is), on the other hand idiocy seem to be a requirement for the job description in the reservations office of the resort.

on another note, our package include the use of the fun flatables (fancy airbeds and slides set on the water), spintacular (imagine bubble boy running on water) and zip and splash (zipline).

the fun flatables are okay. sort of. when you have 30 people enjoying the facility. but when you have close to 200 and kids jumping along the trampoline with you it becomes a safety hazzard. heller people. 200lbs of bear flesh squishing pink squiggly kids is not the best experience.

don't get me started with the zip and splash. they could have told us earlier that there is a weight limit (there was ehem, a number of us disenfranchised because of the weight limit). and the zip was so short you haven't even finished inhaling for that wild tarzan shriek before you land on the other side.

NONE from my team used the facility as it was too hot by the time they gave us a single(!) stub with instructions to inform the people in the zip facility that we're from X company as they're not exactly sure how to handle the corporate reservation dilemma.

i can tell Lisa did a great job giving instructions to the staff in the resort. they could have prepared the stub together with the orange and blue tabs when we landed. hello? common sense?

that's not the worst part. when we signed up for the package, we were promised the use of the three "activities" i mentioned earlier. guess what, they already know that the spintacular is out of commission (probably from an over eager human hamster) since last week but they still included that as part of the "package". i demanded for a discount and they gave us 22 pesos worth of discount for every person when the actual fee to use the facility is at 150 pesos.

just to wrap up this list of wonderful experience, they said no when we asked if we can bring our own junk food, water, or any sort of beverage. it was supposed to be a waste management and environmental policy to maintain the place.

guess what, every other table had piles of junk food that they happily brought out from their bags, and we're not talking about clothe's bags, we're talking GROCERY bags. policy? hello? that's what we get as goody good peeps!

i wouldn't have complained, but a Cheavers meal in Mactan does not sound equitable compared to the trip, the effort, the heat and extra bad service.


the people in the resort are polite, solicitous, apologetic and kind - except that they are totally clueless as to how to handle a corporate reservation. and am guessing it's a problem with HQ with a lady named Lisa. Elisa in fact.


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