Tourist Information
my friend Shehan Fernando sent me this note from Sri Lanka and I am not sure if this is real. On the other hand, this is just too hilarious to pass up and I am sharing this.
Enjoy!
The questions below about Sri Lanka, are from potential visitors. They were posted on a Sri Lankan Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a sense of humour.
Q: Does it ever get windy in Sri Lanka? I have never seen it rain in Sri Lanka on TV, how do the plants grow? (UK).
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.
Q: Will I be able to see wild elephants on the streets? (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.
Q: I want to walk from Colomboto Matara - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only hundred miles, take lots of water.
Q: Is it safe to run around Wanni in Sri Lanka? (Ireland)
A: So it's true what they say about the Irish.
Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Sri Lanka? Can you send me a list of them in Colombo, Galle, Kandy, Kurunegala, Matara and Anuradhapura? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?
Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Sri Lanka? USA)
A: Africa is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Sri-Lanka is that small island south of Indiain the Indian Ocean. Sure, the hippo racing is every Thursday near Diyawanna Oya. Come naked.
Q: Which direction is Jaffna? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
Q: Can I bring cutlery into Sri Lanka? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
Q: Heard Brian Adams and MLTR were in SL. Can you send me the entertainment schedule? (USA)
A: Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Thursday by the Diyawanna Oya straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
Q: Can I wear high heels in Sri Lanka? ( UK)
A: You are a British politician, right?
Q: Are there supermarkets in Colombois milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal. Try Arrack instead. (My note - Arrack is a strong liquor made from coconut sap)
Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Sri Lankawho can dispense Ratlesnake serum. ( USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Sri Lankan snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.
Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Sri Lanka, but I forget its name. It's a kind of huge animal that are dressed and taken in pagents. (USA)
A: It's called an Elephant. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
Q: Do you have perfume in Sri Lanka? (France)
A: No, WE don't stink.
Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Sri Lanka? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
Q: Can you tell me the regions in the Western Province where the female population is smaller than the male population? ( Germany)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs in Negombo.
Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Sri Lanka? (Italy)
A: Only at Christmas.
Q: I was in Sri Lankain 1999 on R+R and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying inan apartment at LibertyPlaza. Can you help?(USA)
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour. Try the eigth floor at the same place. (My Note - the place above Liberty Plaza is well known for the prostitute brothel)
Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (Germany)
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first
Enjoy!
The questions below about Sri Lanka, are from potential visitors. They were posted on a Sri Lankan Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a sense of humour.
Q: Does it ever get windy in Sri Lanka? I have never seen it rain in Sri Lanka on TV, how do the plants grow? (UK).
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.
Q: Will I be able to see wild elephants on the streets? (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.
Q: I want to walk from Colomboto Matara - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only hundred miles, take lots of water.
Q: Is it safe to run around Wanni in Sri Lanka? (Ireland)
A: So it's true what they say about the Irish.
Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Sri Lanka? Can you send me a list of them in Colombo, Galle, Kandy, Kurunegala, Matara and Anuradhapura? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?
Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Sri Lanka? USA)
A: Africa is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Sri-Lanka is that small island south of Indiain the Indian Ocean. Sure, the hippo racing is every Thursday near Diyawanna Oya. Come naked.
Q: Which direction is Jaffna? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
Q: Can I bring cutlery into Sri Lanka? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
Q: Heard Brian Adams and MLTR were in SL. Can you send me the entertainment schedule? (USA)
A: Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Thursday by the Diyawanna Oya straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
Q: Can I wear high heels in Sri Lanka? ( UK)
A: You are a British politician, right?
Q: Are there supermarkets in Colombois milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal. Try Arrack instead. (My note - Arrack is a strong liquor made from coconut sap)
Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Sri Lankawho can dispense Ratlesnake serum. ( USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Sri Lankan snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.
Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Sri Lanka, but I forget its name. It's a kind of huge animal that are dressed and taken in pagents. (USA)
A: It's called an Elephant. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
Q: Do you have perfume in Sri Lanka? (France)
A: No, WE don't stink.
Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Sri Lanka? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
Q: Can you tell me the regions in the Western Province where the female population is smaller than the male population? ( Germany)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs in Negombo.
Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Sri Lanka? (Italy)
A: Only at Christmas.
Q: I was in Sri Lankain 1999 on R+R and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying inan apartment at LibertyPlaza. Can you help?(USA)
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour. Try the eigth floor at the same place. (My Note - the place above Liberty Plaza is well known for the prostitute brothel)
Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (Germany)
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first
Comments
Makes me want to make a question and answer portion of the idiotic things manilenyos asked me when i studied there. ;)
- borjie