incessant rambling

during the last few days of the wake i've taken the habit of eating outside the house. you see, i was "rebelling" against the idea that we've practically made the whole meal thing into something close to a fiesta of sorts. ginataan adobo na manok unfortunately, when you're in kabankalan there's not much restaurant options. fortunately, melting pot is still open. melting pot is better known for its batchoy and pancit molo and i have fond memories of the place when i was young and papang would drive over to melting pot to meet with his friends. the kids (aka me) usually end up running around and ordering siopao and batchoy. adobo na atay it was a nice surprise to see that they've added to their menu (shakes, cakes, burgers, short orders and carinderia-style-viand pots). in different occassions, i tried their chicken curry, adobo na atay (liver adobo), inasal na manok (chicken barbeque) and a dish that became my personal favourite: ginataan adobo na manok. i...

a death in the family is a very sad event. usually. so it must be a wonder for guests who came to pay their last respect to my mom when they hear cousins and relatives laughing at some bawd joke or catching up after a long time not seeing each other. i can imagine some stuffy guest saying something about not giving due respect or some hypocritical comment. let me remind people that the dead doesn't hear praises or cries that reach the rafters of heaven. am sure they'd run away screaming if mom suddenly appeared beside them and gave her personal thanks. reminds me of my sis, she was standing beside the coffin and talking with mom, "ma... remember what we said about whoever dies first gets to visit the one left? I'd like you to come visit me..." aw shucks, a really sappy line... "... just make sure you don't do it at night when am driving." - makes sense. for those hypocrites, mom would have appreciated their visit when she was alive, not when she'...

I have an aversion for family-related socials. I am sure many of you single-something-twenty five year old-poor souls have had to endure the endless questions about your being single or other inane and ultimately inappropriate questions from a host of uncles, aunts, cousins, wannabe relations, total strangers and the occasional stalker. Am sure this topic has been covered in numerous angst driven discussions but the matter takes on a different turn when the socials we are referring to is a funeral wake. To be more precise, the funeral wake of my mother (ma, am sure you're going to get a great big ha ha ha from this one so bear with me). There must be some rule about asking really stupid questions in a funeral. Let's see... how about "The coffin looks really good (pause), I wonder how much it costs?" If you're silently sitting beside the source of irritation, I won't be surprised if you find your hands "accidentally" around the neck of the idiot. I h...

A Strong Woman. Throughout her life my mother, Patricia Abanilla Ponce Tagamolila has sacrificed her own comforts for those that she loves. She’d be the first to give up her own needs for the sake of the family. My earliest recollection of how she worked hard to get us through our difficult times was when she would wake up early morning to cook some sweets, this she would sell in front of the school fronting the town plaza (ERAMS?). The irony of the situation is that she comes from a family that is well off in her times. It was never really clear how it came to be, but from what I remember my Spanish-Chinese grandparents were against her marrying into my dad’s family. It was probably from the fact that my dad already has a son from a previous relationship. My dad is not exactly the favorite of his family either, as a consequence they started their lives in a very modest living condition up in the mountain-farm of Kanjakap - a piece of land that my father was given to till. My elder sib...

2 July 2006, I find myself in church listening to the gospel about Jairus daughter who was sick and was healed by Jesus (Mark 5:21-24) and about a woman who through faith and a mere touch of His robe was cured of her sickness. It would seem like an ordinary gospel reading if not for the fact that my own mother is dying at this very moment and it would seem my faith is not holding up. I've accepted the reality that she is dying - it is the only certainty in this uncertain world, death is the end of everything. I close my eyes and pray with all my heart that she is taken up by the Lord Jesus and is spared the pain. That is the only consolation I can ask for. I sometimes ask myself, am I willing to give up my life for my mother? Fearful thoughts run through my head and though I think "it", I know I don't have the strength to really ask of that boon. A selfish thought one might surmise, but in the end, I am held by my own human desires and need. That is why when God gave ...

My mom had her follow up CT Scan first week of May 2006. The results are not that great, ok, bad. Suffice to say that the cancer has progressed to the lungs, liver and the aorta. The doctor has prescribed another medicine (Tarceva) to compliment Gemzar. The data though is not that encouraging as the results of using the medicine in combination with Gemzar does not really significantly increase survival or tumor response. Then again, the reality is that we are now working on extending survival of my mother, cure at this stage is not really within "logical" expectations. But when it comes to life, logic seem to have no reason. Despite the financial burdens, we continue to work on getting her treatment - as my sister said, she wouldn't give up on us, and thus we are not giving up on her. When I pray to God I hardly say please CURE her, the reality of the matter is that I pray that she be spared from the pain. I have a hard time dealing with the pain. I seriously think of shu...